move on (written 02/09)

there's no more time for painted toes
rather feet always in motion
no slowing down
must reach my destination
even bleeding, aching
I will climb mountains bare-footed
swim icy oceans naked
for shivers will not find my bones
frost-bite afraid of fingertip's wrath
I must move on...

in tree tops, savage screams escape my sun-burned lips
animals cower, nomadic people flee in fear
at the repetition of my cries
over and over I call out your name
as I swing from branch to branch
I must move on...

in the darkness, only guided by moonlight
I suddenly find myself in the company of others
so I smoke with the natives
and see your face in the fresh new fire
in the bottom of a primitive cup
in the metal of the best warrior's spearhead
cannot help but dance around the flapping flames
howling and pounding my chest rapidly
afraid to open my eyes and see yours
in everything around me
I must move on...

desert sands cover me
stuck to the moisture of my body
trying to stay cool
in the scorching blaze of the sun
dunes seem to go on forever
yet I don't care and occasionally run
crashing into the mounds violently
mirages come and go of memories, places, you
I am all alone, but determined
I must move on...

splatters on my face
rain comes down
waking me from my slumber
I sit up and find myself on a park bench
in the middle of a bustling unknown city
clothes are clean, but soaked
hair is polished, but dripping wet
faces are unfamiliar, disregarding me
as they pass by under black umbrellas
I call out your name again and again
until deja-vu takes control
pausing, I scan the crowd
then turn around again and there you are
You are real, right in front of me
you wipe the water from my face
and lips with the tip of your finger
and huddle me under your red umbrella
sliding your hand under mine
you look into my eyes
as I gaze down to notice my nicely painted toes
standing so very still, I don't want to look away

yet when I do I am sitting in a hospital bed
so sterile, the smell sickens me
causing me to lean up and release
my nausea on the floor
a doctor says something about a reaction
to anesthesia and pulls my covers back to inspect me
I look down to see that my painted toes are no longer there
or the feet and legs they were once attached to
in a panic I frantically say your name so loudly
that nurses rush in and stick a needle in my arm
eyes feel heavy
I ask the doctor for you
he shrugs and says he doesn't know who you are
I tell him I must go
must reach my destination
he laughs and shakes his head
and the room fades away...

there is nothing at all
I cannot move
I forget your name