Pablo Neruda's Sonnet XVII (one of my favorites)

Pablo Neruda

(Sonnet XVII)

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz

or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:

I love you as certain dark things are loved,

secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries

hidden within itself the light of those flowers,

and thanks to your love, darkly in my body

lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,

I love you simply, without problems or pride:

I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,

so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,

so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

(Soneto XVII)

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio

o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:

te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,

secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva

dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,

y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo

el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,

te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:

así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,

tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,

tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

~the back of my mind~ ( a trimeric)

Sometimes I see your face

in the back of my mind

with such a modest smile,

reminiscent of days past.

In the back of my mind

your presence lingers,

eluding infinite escape.

With such a modest smile,

I remember everything

In the curve of your lips.

Reminiscent of days past,

yet as far away

as another time and place.

Crazy Gurl's Zeal Song (my personal take on Plath's Mad Girl's Love Song)

I am sorry I have never let it be said;

you fit me like a missing puzzle piece.

(Violin music plays softly inside my head.)

I lay before you like velvety butter on bread;

the longing goes on and on and shall never cease.

I am sorry I have never let it be said.

Intoxicating, but still as sweet as a rose so red:

I give myself to you like Aphrodite of ancient Greece.

(Violin music plays softly inside my head.)

Please swiftly lift me up and carry me off to bed;

with every step the depth of my desire will increase.

I am sorry I have never let it be said.

The intensity in your eyes is better than any passage I’ve read;

your delicate skin warms me like silky fleece.

(Violin music plays softly inside my head.)

Maybe it is best if I just show you instead;

the truth is bound to appear in my inhibition’s release.

I am sorry I have never let it be said

(Violin music plays softly inside my head.)

Dylan

I nicked my knee shaving in the bath

While listening to Bob Dylan

So I decided to let out a little laugh

And I accidentally cut myself again

I sang along loudly while all alone

My voice echoed through the steamy air

Today I’m like a rolling stone

With sweat and bubbles in my unkempt hair

solace

I always have words just below the surface, too afraid to make their presence known. It didn’t used to be this way. Before, they would rush over me, ready to express themselves without hesitation, without reserve, unaware of their power or the consequences of their actions. Now I do not know how to quiet them without spilling myself entirely onto paper, so I hold on to my pen with a firm grip, not allowing their freedom. I hold my words prisoner, locked up tight somewhere far-away in the darkness. Some days they scream loudly and their cries are crystal clear, but on nights like tonight, they are so faint, barely confused whimpers within the walls of my mind. Yet, I do not feel entirely in control of them either, but merely a fellow captive convicted to a lifetime of solitude, trying to squeeze my way into their cell, behind the rows of letters that form nothing. They whisper to me when I sleep. They tell me that I can free myself by letting them go. Their independence requires me to look deep within. Instead, I turn my head and cover my eyes. Maybe they are not my hostages; maybe I am theirs. Somewhere along the line, their fate and mine became intertwined. They wrap around me, squeezing me from the inside. I fight back. I grab them, pushing back violently, trying to breathe without suffocating. The curve of every letter hugs my body so tightly that my fingers ache attempting to pry them off. I know they just want to be free of the restraints that bind them, as do I. Behind the bars of all the sentences never written, we are one and the same. I yearn to look to them for strength and they need to find solace in the ink from my pen. Currently, we are at a stand-still, sucking the force from each other like parasitic unspoken exclamations. So I sit here cowardly gazing at the tip of my pen, too frightened to pick it up because I know that once I give in, words will flow like blood. Crisp white pages will turn crimson before my very eyes and ink will swirl, taking on a life of its own. There will be no peace tonight, only this feeble attempt to dance around the truth, this wasted space of meaningless murmur.

burn

as the light from this candle flickers

I gaze at it in wonder and amazement

I want to touch it

run my fingers across it

even if it burns me

even if it hurts

the smoke quickly fades

as it leaves the warmth of the flame

often I feel the same

wishing I could reverse myself

and crash into you

somehow someway

I would walk away

unharmed in knowing that even

for the briefest moment in time

that you surround me

lighting up my darkness

igniting every single strand of hair

every tender spot of flesh

I can withstand the heat

I will not turn to ash

so burn me

for I cannot take this shiver deep within

I ache for you

for the fire that escapes your lips

every time you utter my name

random thoughts

In the last week, I have moved into my own place and turned 30.  Now, I feel I must take a few moments to reflect.  Life is strange and it is only when everything is quiet that I can slow my mind enough to ponder the paths that lie ahead as well as the roads that I have taken that have brought me here.

Contentment is often fleeting for me, but lately its presence has lingered much longer than its usual alotted time.  While I still think too much and rack my brain constantly about anything and everything, I have also taken the time to appreciate those closest to my heart as well as the little things that can easily be taken for granted, like laughing.  It is something that I absolutely adore whether it is my own or the chuckle of another.  There is nothing like a good laugh, especially when it is a shared one.  It is something that I hope to continue doing as often as possible.

In the last year, I have completed half of my graduate degree, moved a couple of times, started, stopped, and didn't get jobs, opened myself up, closed myself down, stumbled upon a happy medium and found myself surprised on many occasions which is well...surprising.  Perhaps, I am finally coming into my own.  I have always lived for others because giving pieces of myself away is what I do best.  Yet, I find myself stronger today than I was yesterday.    Ernest Hemingway said "the world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."  I've been broken, but I do not give up. 

For the first time in a long time, I look forward to what the future has in store for me.  I wouldn't call myself an optimist just yet, but I am starting this new chapter a bit less jaded than I was a year ago.  Or maybe I woke up this morning with newfound wisdom.  We'll see...

~pisces~

constantly in chaos

I swim in opposite directions

part of me cannot help but

fight the strong current

staying just below

afraid of what I'll find at the surface

shallow waters are no longer

enough to sustain me

so I dive down deep

taking giant breaths

my tail slashes at my sides

I know not how to slow down

so I yearn for the bottom

desperately seeking a means to an end

others glide by me but I move too quickly

passing by them briskly

without a real chance of acknowledgement

yet another part of me

longs to brush my scales against yours

intertwining our tails in unison

sharing the air that fills your lungs

as we dart madly for the top

so the moon can glisten on our skin

like flawless diamonds

before the fear sets in

before I frantically submerse

before you can really see me

in the impending rise of the sun

for in the imposing light

all of my flaws are revealed

so quick to plunge back into the depths

and start the endless cycle

all over again

round and round

you are

like

the sun

I cannot

help

but move

near you

until

the heat that

radiates off

your skin

warms me

and

when

I finally

blanket you

the chill

within me

rapidly

increases in

temperature

bubbling

to the

surface

as

I exhale

before

breathing in

the flare

glowing

between

your mouth

and mine

round

and

round

I go

to feel

once

more

unravel me

the coils that bind

are woven

tightly and intricately

sometimes I cannot

even reach myself

yet you know how

to unravel me

desperate to open up

for you to inhabit me

fill me with everything

that is you

take me away

from the trepidation

let your strength

wash over me

inside me

as I soak up

every drop

savoring every

single second

I am free

but I long

to be

fearless